why am i so afraid?
it's worth noting that i'm usually a hopeless romantic. i like to wear my heart on my sleeve, and, when my heart has been captured, i'm unafraid to dive in headfirst. but i'm petrified now.
i find myself unable to express my feelings in proper words, a struggle so unlike my typical modus operandi. i'm terrified of letting myself reach too high and falling down too far. so i don't say everything i mean. i tell myself to lock those thoughts away, that i shouldn't be allowed to be so happy when all i've done recently is to bring grief to someone who stood by me steadfastly for years. is it easier that way?